gourmet babble

from 12 February 2002

I figured everybody has those standard spiral-bound and plastic-bound cookbooks that have some dorky woodcut print of a house in a clearing in the forest on the cover with recipes bearing names like "Grandma's Meatloaf" and "Velveeta Macaroni Casserole." I really never thought about it too much, so I assumed they'd also contain hundreds of recipes for "Aunt Mabel's Kugel" and "Knish Heaven." Imagine my surprise and horror when my ex-wife presented me with one of her favorite, dearest cookbooks… in bright pink with a large picture of the Pink Goddess, Mary Kay herself, robed in apron and bearing a large white cake with a smile as spackled as the frosting on the cake.

I recoiled in horror, cringing, sweating for my very life… dreading such odious delights as "Ham and Mayo Casserole" and "Goyim Leavened Special Crackers". As I read on, I was indeed horrified by such Frankensteins as "Sweet and Sour Mignon" and "Tater Tot Hot Dish." As I grew to understand more of the zen of casseroles, though, I found an effective simplicity in this book. Of course, no recipe can stand unadulterated before the force of Swanson in the kitchen….

Credit is due to Debi Garber-Eyerman of Columbus, Ohio (recipe credit in book) and my ex-wife Jeannie (credit for explaining how the recipe actually works).

INGREDIENTS:

• 1 pint sour cream
• 1+ pounds of steak
• some flour
• some bread crumbs
• French's seasoned salt (or other salt mix you like)
• 1/4 cup or so olive oil
• 1 onion, chopped
• 1 clove of garlic
• 2 Knorrs beef bouillion cubes
• 1 cup of dried mushrooms, preferably a cool type (I use shiitake, porcini, and chanterelle)
• 1 bag of extra wide egg noodles (a/k/a Kluski noodles)

PREPARATION:

Lay out a piece of wax paper. Spread a decent amount of flour and bread crumbs, mixed, in a ratio of roughly 3:1 (flour to bread crumbs). Add a sprinkle or two of French's seasoned salt to the flour mix. Cut the beef into 1/4"-1/2" wide strips, each about 2" long. Pound them out a bit to tenderize (to pound, place between two pieces of wax paper and hit with something big and hard, like a Le Creuset frying pan). Take the mashed short strips and coat both sides in the flour mixture.

Heat a small pot of water. When boiling, add mushrooms to start reconstituting them.

Heat large, deep frying pan on medium. Pour enough oil in to coat bottom to about 5mm deep. (Yes, I use metric sometimes. Deal.) Throw the onion, garlic clove (peeled but otherwise intact), and meat into the pan. Fry until the meat is browned.

While the meat is browning, take the mushrooms out and set them aside. Reserve the mushroom broth. Add more water to make a total of 2 cups. Add the bouillion cubes to the mushroom water and heat until cubes dissolve. (Note: I know that Knorr's cubes are "double strength". Yes, you really are supposed to use *two* *double strength* cubes.)

Once the meat is browned, throw the mushrooms and bouillion into the pan. Stir and let simmer for a while. Maybe 20 minutes. Maybe more. I usually had to let it simmer for about an hour, but that's usually because the family was in chaos.

While the beef is simmering, boil some water and prepare the egg noodles as per package directions.

Shortly before you are ready to serve, add the sour cream and mix. Taste to see if you need to add more sour cream. Keep adding until you're happy. Add seasoned salt to taste. Serve over the noodles.

SERVING:

Depending on how much beef you used, between 4 and 8. It's a pretty dense meal. Serve small to begin with, even for teenagers.

SCALING:

For every extra couple of pounds of beef, you probably want another onion and another cup or so of mushroom-bouillion-water. Remember, bouillion cubes are added at a 1-to-1 ratio of cubes to cups.